The Mating Dance of Pedobear
by Lady Suji
Summary: Alfred Jones has some memories that he would rather keep secret. But, when a mysterious stranger calls and asks him to put on a ridiculous outfit, will he be able to find the culprit? ONE SHOT M for a reason ! Read at your own risk


_Alfred POV:_

Adjusting my irritatingly pink go-go dress, I pressed forward. My monochromatic wig, which decided to slide off my head several times, taunted me with every single step. Clogging of go go boots echoed through the still night air, until sounds of beer-splashing, pizza-box-smashing, as-high-as-the-sky party goers rumbled the night. I sighed, but pressed on. I literally looked like the stripper equivalent of the pink haired girl from lazy town. The outfit brought about memories I don't want to recollect, that no one knows about (at least, I thought), and it made me pissed. Extremely pissed. And when the hero was pissed, someone was gonna get their ass served to themselves on a fucking golden platter. Of course, I didn't know who set me up to do this, or why, but going through with it was my best shot at figuring it out.

_4 days before the party:_

Filling my lungs with crisp spring air, I jogged to my dorm. Monday's dragging reign of terror was over, and I could finally hang out with some of my friends. Once I arrived into the dormitories, I burst down the hall, and kicked the door open.

"THE HERO HATH ARRIVED, FAIR MAIDEN~!" I exclaimed, and Matt's eyes widened. Above him, Gilbert smirked. Matt and Gilbert were in a tangle of limbs on the couch, fingers threaded in each other's hair.

"Hey, what's up?" Gilbert replied casually. I reciprocated his Chersire Cat smirk.

"Nothing Bruno. Just don't get you jizz all over the dorm, cuz I'm the hero and heroes don't clean those kinds of messes!" I cheekily exclaimed, and Matt blushed heavily.

"Gil, please, get off me." Matt pleaded; trying to haul said German off. Gilbert only stubbornly stayed stoic, and locked his eyes with my brother.

"What if I don't want to? What if I want to invade your vital regions, fair maiden?" Gilbert retorted huskily, groping his boyfriend's butt. After letting out a breathy moan, Matt rolled his eyes and shoved him off. Gilbert proceeded to tumble, and landed unceremoniously on the carpet. Laughing, I helped him up.

"Methinks the fair maiden's playing hard to get~!" I exclaimed teasingly. Gilbert's eyes narrowed.

"Methinks you should go get a huge dildo and shove it up your-"

"Gil!"

"What, fair maiden?"

"Don't say mean things. And by the way, I'm a boy!" Matt scolded, standing up. He offered me a warm smile, and Gilbert's scowl switched to his regular smirk.

"So, what are we gonna do for the costume party Friday?" I inquired, searching the couple for answers. Gilbert shrugged, and Matt tucked his lip under his front teeth thoughtfully.

"I'm not sure..." Matt trailed, looking to Gilbert. "Any ideas?"

"No clue. Maybe we could be the three stooges? I don't know." Gilbert replied, and suddenly, laughter surged from his mouth.

"What the hell are you laughing at?" Matt asked, a smirk tugging the corners of his lips. It was out of character for Matt to curse, so it was obvious he did it to make the silverette giggle. Gilbert only laughed harder.

"We should be a penis!"

"NO!" Matt and I shouted in disgusted unison.

"Why not? You can be the balls and I can be the 5 meters of-"

"NO!"

"I was gonna say awesome, but that's fine too."

We stood there in an uncomfortable silence. Interrupting our idea session, my phone rang. Unlocking the touch screen, I picked up the call. It was an unknown number, but I picked it up anyway.

"Hello?" I ask, and a deep chuckle resonated eerily from the device.

"I know what you did in Cancun." The voice purred, "And I have pictures."

I visibly paled, while I bit my lip. But in only a moment, rage kicked in.

"No you don't you stupid bastard! This has to be a joke! You don't!" I retorted into the phone, my eyes trying to send daggers to the caller.

"Oh, but I do. There's one of you sprawled out naked, with your pouty lips and flushed cheeks, and another with you in a go-go dress, and ano-"

"FINE! What do you want?"

"I want?"

"Yes!"

"Well, your fine body of course." (Insert face-palm action here) "I've been dying to see the real thing. Wear the outfit, Jones. I will be waiting at the party." With a click, the phone hung up. The duo's gazes expressed confused concern, but I shook my head. Pivoting my heel, I went out to fetch the retched costume for the unknown pervert.

_At the party:_

"Jonesy! How much?" Sadiq chortled, swishing his beer cup toward me. He dressed up as the Phantom of the Opera, wearing a white masquerade mask. Belching in my face, I glared at him. I yanked his cup and took a lengthy swig of my own. The strong taste burned my throat, but I downed it anyway to save my manly pride. He was too drunk and obsessed with Kiku to set me up, so I just continued walking, empty beer cup in hand. As I shuffled through the crowd of drunkards, scanning for any unusual faces, my eyes flickered to a fuzzy brown object in my peripheral vision. But, it slipped away before I got a glimpse of it. I rubbed my glasses with the tiny cloth to clear them. Once they were clear, I dodged dancing dudes and moved on ahead. Suddenly, a stripper pole emerged forth from the floor, and a bear- a bear- was dancing!

"What the f-?"

But, the thumping music cut me off, and the speakers pumped out the beat.

_Dolls, are you ready? Let's dance, dolls_

_Ooh, baby, dolls, fellas, are you ready?_

_Let's dance, ooh, baby_

The bear began thrusting toward the crowd, and a wave of cheers crashed toward the stage. My mouth was completely agape.

_I know you like me_

_(I know you like me)_

_I know you do_

_(I know you do)_

_That's why whenever I come around_

_She's all over you_

To emphasize the lyrics, the bear rubbed against the pole provocatively. She (or he, I don't judge) added a butt smack for effect.

_And I know you want it_

_(I know you want it)_

_It's easy to see_

_(It's easy to see)_

_And in the back of your mind_

_I know you should be f*** me_

Strutting his ass against the pole, several guys wolf called freely. I laughed nervously, not sure of what to make of it. Was this the mysterious caller?

A familiar (but drunk) Korean kid screamed, "The Pussycat Dolls~ originated in Korea *hic*! Would you like an automobile~?"

I only nodded with him so he wouldn't try and grope me. He tried to grope me _all_ the time in the courtyard, but he hasn't succeeded. The kid toppled over and passed out immediately after.

_Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?_

_Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?_

_Don't cha, don't cha?_

_Don't cha wish your girlfriend was wrong like me?_

_Don't cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me?_

_Don't cha, don't cha?_

The bear then took out whip cream and candy from his pockets, and shot the contents across the room. Guys began to chant, but I couldn't hear over the roar of the speakers. But, once the music was turned off, I could hear exactly what they were chanting.

"PEDOBEAR! PEDOBEAR! PEDOBEAR!"

Immediately, I was lifted up, and rode the wave of people up to the stage. The creepy "Pedobear" had round black eyes, and coarse brown fur. His mouth was shrewdly bent into a grin. Once I was on stage, I began to panic, and leaped past him back into the crowd. Ripping off my wig, I raced as fast as I could in my go go boots. Sprinting, I hid behind some bushes. Pedobear, however, was already outside, trying to find me. A stupid cat revealed my hiding spot by meowing loudly for food. Striding closer and closer, he picked up speed toward my location. Shrieking, I sprinted toward the nearest dormitory. Slamming the door shut, I tried to locate the bathroom. Swiftly jerking to the left, I managed to get in. The linoleum floors squeaked as I found a stall. Latching it shut, I waited. _'This is bad... I'm so stupid! Now I'm cornered!'_ I scolded internally, but footsteps hitched my breath. Furry feet stopped right in front of the stall. Childish laughter echoed through, and in a blink the door was ripped off its hinges and sent flying. Pedobear loomed above me and pinned my arms down, except with the portrayer's own calloused hands.

"BITCH GET THE HELL OFF ME OR I BUST YOU! I BUST YOU!" I screamed, but the bear didn't flinch. Instead, he distributed his weight to one hand, and hiked the other up my leg. Shivering, I began to panic. I didn't want my first time to be with a bear!

"Get off me!" I yelled, slamming my foot up to where the assailant's jaw was. Howling, he ripped off his bear head.

"Francis, you set me up?" I gasped in astonishment. Francis looked at me incredulously, blood dripping from his mouth.

"What are you talking about? I just want to scare you! What do you mean by 'set up'? _Mathieu_ told me you were gonna be the lazy town girl, so I was Pedobear. It's an online joke." He replied, wiping some of crimson liquid off his lips. I sighed, and looked behind him.

"I'm really sorry. We should go back to the party." I murmured, scratching my neck. Francis liked to be erotic, so it was natural for him to go after me when I'm dressed up like a girl. He grinned kindly, and made way. I slipped past him, and began to walk out of the bathroom. After we made it through the bathroom door, I ran ahead to open the outside one. The corridor was long, but Francis held his calm tempo. Swinging the door open, I visibly shivered (from the cold, you _perverts_). I twirled around, but Francis was nowhere to be found.

"Francis, are you trying to scare me?"

Heavy breathing was my only reply. My neck hairs shrieked and shivered, my arms tingled and jerked, and my legs begged and pleaded to run. I waited several minutes before I spoke again.

"Francis, I swear on my cheeseburgers if you don't come out now, I will go go and kick your ass! In that order!" I threatened, but only a deep, unknown chuckle crescendoed down the hall. Suddenly, Francis flung himself into the empty hallway. Crawling, he graveled out,

"RUN! RUN ALFRED!"

But an object was chucked to his head, and he slipped into unconsciousness. The assailant casually walked to the Frenchman, and picked up his weapon. Finally, I could see who the attacker was. He was… a Pedobear too. I shrieked, and pivoted out into the cold. I yelled for help and screamed obscenities, while heading toward the one place I knew I could hide; the costume party.

_Back at the party:_

"Mattie! Mattie!" I screamed, as I tackled my twin. He chuckled loudly. _'Oh god, not now!'_ I thought, and I looked up.

"BITCH I'M RICK JAMES! Hold my drink." He exclaimed. I pouted, which caused him to burp in my face. Whenever Matt got even a sip of alcohol in his system, he turned into Rick James (Don't ask me why, because I really don't know. Maybe too much Dave Chappelle…).

"Matt, this is important! Give me your phone!" I yelled, and he only laughed.

"Hey darkness, what did the five fingers say to the face?"

I looked at him incredulously. _'No more Dave Chappelle…'_ I internally noted. Finally, I retorted with "What?"

"SLAP!"

The echo of the blow hadn't even registered in my mind when I punched him back. Hard. He fell to the ground, unconscious. Damn, why the hell is everyone unconscious when I'm around? But, I couldn't ponder the reasons. I fished into his pocket, and found his phone. I held the on button for several seconds, but it wouldn't turn on. '_Turn on stupid phone!_' I screamed in my mind, shaking the device in anger. But, it was too late. Someone had already put a cloth to my face, and I fell into the depths of unconsciousness.

_In a Bedroom Somewhere:_

Drowsiness led to semi-consciousness, and my eyes finally propped themselves open. Hazy images puzzled my eyes for several moments, before I could see somewhat clearly. I was in a dark room, and my mind rummaged through muddy memories. Party, alcohol, and running; that's all I could remember. To top it all off, I had the makings of a drug-induced hangover, which throbbed incessantly. But, the bed I was chained up to was comfy… '_Wait, chained?_' I thought frantically as I tried to flail my arms, but to no avail. My legs were also chained up nicely, and I frowned. '_Damn crazy stalker… I thought only_ I_ had the pictures…and now look!_'

"I see you are awake, my pooky bear." A voice purred in the dark. The patch of dark obscured his features, and I couldn't see him well. Only when he went into the light could I see him.

"Geez, you love that Pedobear outfit, don't you…" I sighed drowsily. The anonymous man chuckled darkly, and moved closer to the bed. He slid a paw up my thigh, and rested it there.

"I see you enjoy your lazy town outfit." He replied smoothly while I looked down, and only then did I register the hand and outfit.

"YOU SON OF A BEAR BITCH! I'M GONNA KILL YOU ASSWIPE!" I shouted, flailing some more. He tried to hold me down, which I replied to with lots of hissing and growling noises. The bear flinched, jerking his hand back. Grinning triumphantly, I stuck out my tongue. The bear only took off his bear paws, to reveal gigantic hands.

"Ooh, I like when you talk dirty, Jones. I wanna hear _more_…" The bear purred as his rough hands created friction along my sensitive regions. I gasped in surprise, the silly bubblegum pink wig shading my eyes. "Call me a fucker."

"What? Why? I mean, I do think that you are one, but why?" I inquired, confusion plaguing my features.

"Because normally, I would not be so aroused by it. But when your pouty pink lips scream at me in that tone, it turns me on." The bear replied bluntly, squeezing my growing arousal for effect.

"Shit on a cheeseburger!" I screamed involuntarily, and I slapped myself internally. The bear chuckled more as he began to gently knead my arousal. I couldn't help but moan slightly. Secretly, I was still-

"You're a virgin, aren't you?" The man asked rhetorically. Red rouged my cheeks as I nodded helplessly. I was hoping maybe he would let me go so I could kick his ass into next year. But sadly, the bear-man only chuckled.

"Shut up… You're the one dressed up as the pedophile mascot." I retorted gruffly, with a stone-piercing gaze.

"But you're such a pretty little thing… I can't exactly help myself… I am a _bear_, after all." Was all he said, before he ripped off the dress. The cold air made me shiver uncomfortably, and I screwed my eyes shut for a moment. Big mistake.

"AHHH!" I shrieked, as the large, slender syringe shocked my system. Liquid warmth blossomed around the injection, and it began to itch slightly. "What the fuck was- ohh!" I began, but instead choked out a moan. My arousal was painfully throbbing, and the cold air did not help. My glare would have deterred anyone who was normal, but the bear-man let out a hearty chuckle.

" I see the aphrodisiac is doing a lovely job of putting you at full mast, my dear Alfred." The bear condescendingly cooed, caressing my face. I chomped on his hand, and he let out a gasp. "Ooh, you like to play dirty, don't you?"

"Shut up! You're crazy! I don't care about your aphro-do-hicky-mah-jig! Just let me go!" I whined, fighting at the restraints. I just wanted to leave, and get rid of my 'problem' as soon as possible. Preferably far, _far_ away from the crazy bear man. But, the laugh that followed froze me, and my eyes widened.

"Your naivety amuses me. An aphrodisiac is pretty much… a "love drug", if you will." The bear replied. With another condescending chuckle, he added, "It's actually a potent blend of several aphrodisiacs, and a pinch of ruffies."

"Wait, you mean like, the stuff Zach Galifianakis gave to the guys in _The Hangover_?"

"The same stuff my cute little pooky _bear_" He cooed, pinching my cheek.

"STOP CALLIN' ME 'POOKY BEAR' YOU CRAZY ASSHOLE! LET ME G-ahh!" I screamed, but ended in a breathy moan. He had my arousal again, and began to pump.

"Moan for me, _moan_… I wanna hear you…" The bear purred, and in my mind, I was beating up my lips for letting the traitorous moans escape. My breathing was labored, my limbs were shaking, and the heat in my loins became insufferable. Finally, my hips arched up, and in one long, desperate cry,

"IVAN~!"'

Immediately, the bear jerked his hand away. My lip quivered. '_Shit… I angered the crazy bear!_ _He's gonna rape me, and then kill me!'_ I shrieked internally. I had been harboring feelings for said boy, ever since I met him on campus. His eyes captivated me, and after I met him, I would awake with mess in my boxers. The bear ripped off his mask, but the darkness obscured his features once more. The mystery-man crashed his hand over my eyes, and his lips onto mine. Wriggling, I bit his lip. He gasped as he pulled away, but I finally could see his face in the dim lighting. Blood was dripping from his lip, and his amethyst eyes shot wide open.

"A-Alfred, it's not what you think-" Ivan sputtered, and I cocked my head to the side in confusion.

"Ivan? Wait, you were the one that set me up? What the hell man?" I asked with a confused little pout. Ivan avoided my gaze guiltily, and my lip was once again caught under my two front teeth. "You know, you could have just told me if you liked me this way. You also could've told me about that dirty talk fetish you have." I teased, and he blushed. Chuckling, I motioned to the handcuffs. He took the hint, and soon the annoying metal was released with a cheerful clink. Smirking triumphantly, I pounced on the Russian before me.

"A-Alfred? What are you doing-mmph…" Ivan gasped, but the confusion melted into a moan. His eyelids embraced themselves closed, and he groped me closer. My smirk never faltered, and when I pulled back reluctantly, Ivan was flushed thoroughly. His cheeks were dusted in red, and small beads of sweat formed on his brow. When he opened his eyes, my grin broadened.

"You look so cute blushing. Now I feel like the pervert. But, I do have a question." I began, tracing small little circles on his chest. His eyes connected with mine, and uncertainty pooled there.

"What, Alfred?" Ivan whispered coyly, and I smiled softly.

"Why did you do all this? And how?" I asked, and Ivan sighed. He smiled softly as well, and cupped my cheek.

"Sh… I'll explain later, my angel…" He purred, as he stretched to nuzzle my neck. Finally gaining confidence, he began to kiss my neck in spurts of gentle passion. Moaning wantonly, I clutched him closer. His gentle caresses moved lower and lower, leaving teasing wisps of pleasure in his path. Finally, he stopped at my newly swelled arousal, and blood rushed to my face. Lovingly kissing the tip, he engulfed it fully in his mouth. I screamed desperately, moaning and gasping for more. He hummed around me, and the pleasure built up immensely. White flashed and burst across the horizon of my eyes, and Ivan swallowed my essence as I released. Three fingers were presented at my mouth, and curiously, I caught them into my mouth. Sucking and licking passionately, I moaned against the fingers. Emitting a husky sigh, he pulled out the fingers, and began prodding them at my bottom. I squeaked as the first entered. Stretching and prodding, he smirked. I pouted in reply, grunting uncomfortably as another finger joined in. As he wiggled the fingers inside me, he brushed against a part inside me that made me see white, and I gasped in ecstasy.

"T-There!" I gasped, to which he silently obeyed as a third finger joined inside me. The immense pleasure was causing me to shake and shift, begging for more of the delicious feeling. Groaning as he pulled the fingers out, he kissed my brow. He fished in his bear costume pants (which for some reason he still had on) and took out a condom.

"You don't trust me?" I pouted, and Ivan just shook his head.

"No, it's not that… I just want to keep you safe. You never know." He replied, and he ripped the condom open with his teeth. Tugging off his pants, he put the condom on his enormous erection. I gasped at the size of it, and nervous butterflies shook and fluttered about in my stomach. Once he was slick and ready, he gazed into my eyes.

"Are you ready?"

"Are you?" I replied, and he slowly inched into me. His girth was hard to become accustomed to, but he prepared me well enough that the pain was only slightly uncomfortable. Once he was inside me, I motioned with my hips for him to continue. Ivan began a slow and steady pace, but as my screams of pleasure crescendoed, so did the tempo of his thrusts. I screeched as he roughly thrust into my prostate head on, and tears streamed down my cheeks. I cried his name out like a mantra as the euphoria was too much for my body. With one final shriek of his name, I released onto his chest. He sporadically thrust into me until he released as well. My world began to haze over, and dizziness controlled my movements. I heard Ivan calling my name, but I was out like a light.

_In the Morning:_

Light filtered into my college dorm room, and I sighed. _'It must have been a drunken dream or something… I knew I had a low tolerance to alcohol…'_ I thought with an amused little smile. Although I always wanted to be with Ivan, I didn't want it to be that way. Especially not my first. Yawning and stretching, I scratched my head. But, the smell of smoke and tobacco strangled my nostrils, and I jerked toward the scent. My eyes widened at the sight before me.

"Did you know that Pedobear was made in Korea, daze~?" The Korean boy from last night puffed in my face, and I coughed incredulously. He was sprawled across my bed holding his head in his one hand, the offending cigarette in the other. His naked form was completely visible from my angle, and I blushed.

"W-What? You! Where's Ivan? What did you do?" I growled in anger, and he chortled in the same manner Sadiq did yesterday.

"Ivan was never here. That hallucinogen I gave you was strong enough to make you think _I_ was that damn Russian. Sadiq was wonderful help. My name is Im Yong Soo, darling, I think we're going to see each other a lot in the near future." The Korean purred, and my confusion grew.

"Sadiq? Hallucinogen? So wait, that drink he gave me, and the shot you gave me-"

"Yes, they were both hallucinogens. The hallucinogens were so strong they even altered taste_ and_ how you perceive speech. Although mine was also aphrodisiac mixed in. I got Sadiq to help me by getting some naked pictures of Kiku in the shower. It was so _easy_." He cut off, inhaling his cigarette deeply. His smirk curved wickedly at my horrified face.

"Was Francis in on it too?" I replied, hoping that maybe Francis didn't actually get killed by the flying object that hit him. Yong Soo let out a condescending laugh.

"Of course not. And if he knows what's good for him, he'll never interfere and try and call the police ever again." He growled possessively. "You're mine, Alfred Jones. And no one will say otherwise."

"NO!" I shrieked, springing from my bed, but my foot tripped me. It let out a sickening crack, and Yong Soo looked down at me with just as sickeningly smile. Only then did I realize that I was attached to the bed, via leg cuff.

"Now you can never leave me, my little angel."

"NO!"


End file.
